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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Black market and adoption

Here you will find an article about black marketing babies in Spain from the 60's to 89.
The setting may be Spain, but it is a story that might as well be the US.  As it has happened here too. Georgia Tann black marketed babies in this fashion from the 20's-50's and she is only one of those who did. There have been others who have done the same, such as and today it has happened in surrogacy.

What do these all have in common? MONEY,,proof of the old adage "money is the root of all evil". Some see it as a "catch 22",,,I guess I do too. I'll explain my thinking.

 When my doctor announced to me that I would probably never be able to get pregnant again, the first call I made was to my mom. Not my husband because this news needed to be made face to face, and I had a real fear he would not want to stay married to me after hearing I couldn't produce a child for him. Geesh, looking back on the feeling makes me laugh,,,where did I come up with that thought??? My mom listened to my broken heart and  tried to cheer me up by saying "this is not the end of the world, you do have other options in which to become a mommy,,the only difference between you and that child will be your gene's".  I wasn't sold right away, as I truly did want to give birth again.  After a couple of years we started moving towards adoption to build our family. I jumped into it whole heartily, and absorbed myself 100%. I researched it, educated myself and truly understood what we needed to do. One thing that became very clear is we were going to need major bucks because long gone were those days where you just put your name on an agency list and waited. Back in the 50's 60's and 70's adoption didn't cost that much, and no one was profiting from it. Other then the black market scum buckets that is.  Now a days, potential adoptive parents have no choices but to pay $20,000-$50,000 and some times even more to do an adoption.

Although we never paid anywhere close to that, I have learned our adoptions were the exceptions, and when it came to us doing an adoption, it became extremely important for us to do an ethical and legal one. I never wanted to look in my children's eyes and have to tell them "we bought you".  But as I said before, 90% of the people have no choice in the manner. Because babies have become commodities.

So,  "If the money wasn't such a great draw in adoption" maybe these kind of scams wouldn't happen?  YES!! Will we ever be able to do away with it? Sadly NO!  We will continue to hear about these cases and the ones who were adopted will continue to be hurt by this. What is wrong with us?

Dear God, please forgive us  for the ugly we have allowed in adoption.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Oh how I love hearing from those who have been scammed!

The title sounds so horrible, but yet,,,it is so true.  Just heard from a couple who have been scammed and now they have a little one!!! What a celebration that is!  They have come "full circle" and now they have this little face they can look into and say to God, "Thank you,,this is the little one that was meant to be"  whooooooooohooooooooooo!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sorry I scammed, but am pregnant again and placing this time. I have changed!

Title says it all. I don't know how many times I have heard this.  The con artist tells me or others,,"really, I won't be doing this again, and even though I make an adoption plan I have the right to change my mind!"  The part that is true, is she has the right to change her mind, and a legit expectant mom should never have the right taken away,,,but it is the cons, who use this law, that makes it so difficult on the adoption professionals or potential adoptive parents.  Still I wouldn't want to see the law change.

Because of the funds paid out,,,sometimes with no proof of pregnancy, or first time meeting, these type of scams will continue to happen.  If everyone would just follow the laws, or not fall for the "I am homeless,sleeping in my car and need money to come to where you are" story,,,maybe just maybe we would have less fraud in adoption.

If mom is truly homeless, there is plenty one can do to help her. A lot of adoption agency's or professionals will go out of their way to help search out the proper resources for the mom.  They know how to do this and do it on a daily basis. They also adhere to their policy to turn away gals who call with such dramatic stories, because they know 9 times out of 10 it is a fraud. Why would they want to match their clients with such a risky situation?

There are times when a person who has scammed in the past truly does get pg and is searching out a placement plan, mainly because she may not be allowed to take baby home, baby may be removed from the state. And just because the baby will be born and placed, doesn't mean this gal won't bring on the drama, get all she can out of her situation, not stop until a couple of months after baby is born.  It takes a special kind of person to be willing to deal with her for a few months at a time, and that goes for the adoption professional too. Can't imagine what it would be like.  Had one gal who would do this,,,she did it through 4 pregnancy's. She would become matched, play those people for all it was worth, then state she wasn't placing after all and move onto new ones,,,continue this throughout her pregnancy. In the end, she would walk out of the hospital, contacting new people stating she gave birth and would like to place baby with them,,,but I need $'s and a few other things, and then when it was time to sign consent (which she held off on as long as she could) she would state "I don't want to place after all" and move onto another couple until authorities were contacted and she lost the baby to foster care or her mom stepped in and took one.  In the end, she was ultimately arrested and is now in prison,,,for about 10 more years.  Children are all doing well and in homes where they were wanted.

These stories sound far fetched at times, but sadly they are true.  All I can do is become a prayer warrior for those who have such sad, broken hearts, who  allow evil to overtake them

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Social Network scammers

First of all I do not want to come across judgmental and would like to say that I have been in the shoes of those who I am about to write about. Therefore, I do "get" what you are going through, where you are at, and how you are feeling.  Maybe writing this will be good for me, because we are at the end of building our family and I don't have to live in those feelings anymore. Sometimes one forgets the "pain" but it is not good to forget that it was painful.

When we were scammed, the person who said she was pregnant was very, very dramatic. One phone call was "I am bleeding", "I think I am loosing the baby" and yet another was "I just wanted you to know that I called 911 and am on the way to the hospital". That was super bowl Sunday, I will never forget it.  That night I received an email from "her friend" and it said the baby died.  In the end, through all my investigating, I found out there never was a baby. How do you tell your dd who was looking forward to a little brother that there will be no little brother???  How do you explain to her about this person who has a broken heart and wants others to feel her pain? How do you get past the feeling that you failed to protect your family and yourself from such a creepy person?  Why did I let myself get so caught up in her drama and allow my family to be pulled in?  Still makes me mad just thinking about what I allowed this sick individual do to us. Where was my "good sense"? And looking back on it, I sometimes think "Dear God Lynne what were you thinking????" Did you REALLY think it was smart to meet someone on the net, talk over the phone, share yourself and your life with her?

Why didn't I pick up the red flags,,,or maybe what I need to ask  is why did I ignored the red flags, my theory, like many others is  because she told me everything I wanted to hear.  She had the ability to turn the red flags into pink ones. What they say is "A con is a con because they are good at being a con" She did her job well.

While investigating scam in adoption over the years I have heard many stories such as ours. Some scammers don't go into a lot of drama, while others will play you to no end.  One such case that comes to mind is Belinda Ramirez from Texas. She had the family fly from NY to TX stating she was in labor, then gave birth, all the while not allowing them to meet her. She did it all over the cell phone.  Even when the couple were seeing red flags and warning their attorney's about them, they were told to move forward and keep working with Belinda.  At one point Belinda had the couple standing at the nursery window while she was on the phone with them, and telling them to look at the baby girl with the pink hat on, that is your little girl.  The truth was, Belinda was not pregnant, but was in the hospital for other medical issues...ya I know you would think mental,,right? In this case, this scammer was using a fake name, fake pics, fake ultrasound,,but was eventually caught, prosecuted, sentenced, let out, scammed again, then was convicted again and has to serve out orginal sentence.  I will never forget listening to the prospective adoptive mom tell me what was going on and all they had been through,,I had the hardest time understanding how someone could do this a human being and how come this family had protection of, not one, but two attorneys, and no one was able to stop this sick person from scamming this family and others.

Another way these cons are pulling off scams is using the social network sites.  On Facebook, for instance, the sad individual will set up a page stating she is looking for an adoptive family for her yet to be born baby.  She facebooks friends,,,, all these couple looking to adopt and then she post things such as "I am not wanting to go through an agency because they are taking to much of your money" or "thank you for being my friend and being patient while I ask you all questions"  She will literally set up a time line on how she will go about picking a family.  All the while pitting pap's against each other,,sometimes saying things like "you wouldn't believe how some of the people on here are offering me money to adopt my baby"..........PEOPLE ,,what you will find out in the end is either the baby died, she decided to keep and thank you all for being so nice to me, or her family member is adopting.  And with in the week,,,low and behold another expectant mom has set up a new FB page and you are invited.  The internet is an easy place for them to get pictures of people, ultrasounds, quilts they say they made, etc.........All the way through their con, you will not get to meet them in person, have the ability to verify their pregnancy, get them to sign paperwork, send in paperwork, meet with an attorney.

These are the hardest con artist to understand,,all they are getting out of it is your attention,,,how sick is that??    They are playing with a persons emotions and for some reason we allow it to be done to our self in the hopes that in the end there will be a baby.  BTW there are some people in the adoption world who do not understand why we would let ourselves get pulled into someone sick games,,or they say "that is what you get for thinking you can take another persons baby and call yourself mommy" ,they think we deserve it...,I just say to them,,,,,,,,count yourself lucky that you are not walking in those shoes.

Message I hope all of you pap's take away from this post is "Listen to your gut feelings", "if it is too good to be true, walk away" and "don't waste your time with those gals who stay behind a cell phone, or computer".